


He's Just Not the Same

by lydiasheart



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depression, Drug Abuse, M/M, Songfic, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-26
Updated: 2013-10-26
Packaged: 2017-12-30 12:27:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1018608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lydiasheart/pseuds/lydiasheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is jumping off the deep end and Louis is trying to pull him back up.</p><p>Or Harry turns into a party animal while One Direction are on break and Louis is really worried about him</p>
            </blockquote>





	He's Just Not the Same

**Author's Note:**

> You could call this a songfic i guess i don’t fucking know. How To Save A Life came on and well here this is.
> 
> This is unbeta’d and although I pride myself on impeccable grammar and spelling, there’s bound to be some mistakes.
> 
> There’s a happy ending, I promise.  
> Obviously I own and know nothing.

It’d been two weeks since Harry let Louis touch him in any way that wasn’t necessary. And that was a little ridiculous. Louis and Harry touched any time they could, always looking for contact with each other. But Harry always had an excuse ready; he was "too tired" or he “had to do something” and would leave their flat. It became Harry “doing something” as him going out with Nick Grimshaw to shady clubs and bars, coming home wasted, sometimes high. The paps were ruthless, tabloids shouting things like “STYLES TRADES HIS POP STAR IMAGE FOR SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK AND ROLL” or “OUT WITH THE POP STAR, IN WITH THE ROCK STAR.” It was disgusting, but Harry did nothing besides throw out the papers and ignore his twitter.

Louis was growing impatient with Harry’s rebellious phase or whatever the fuck he was going through. He was left at home all the time, worrying about Harry and when he finally fell asleep, he was woken up by Harry struggling to get to his room or throwing up into the toilet. The last straw was drawn when Louis found cocaine in Harry’s pants while he was doing laundry. Something had to be done.

“Harry you’re not going out tonight.” Louis kept his voice calm and stood in front of the boy as he went to leave for the night.

“What? Why not?” Now that Louis could get a good look at him, he could see Harry withering away. His normally bright green eyes were dull and a shirt that used to fit him snugly hung off his slender frame in a way that worried Louis further.

“You haven’t spent a night home with me in nearly two weeks.” The older boy smiled softly at Harry and grabbed his hand to lead him back to the living room. Harry went along, with only slightly resistance. After plopping down on the couch, Louis held Harry’s hand but sat apart from him in a way he normally wouldn’t. “Harry, I think we need to talk.”

“Okay.” Harry wasn’t looking at Louis, he was looking at the wall next to his head. Harry hated meeting Louis' eyes anymore, hated seeing that he was really hurting him. But Harry was hurting, and the only thing that helped was going out and getting trashed. He coudln't possibly begin to explain to Louis his depression or what caused it. He barely understood it himself. And since they had a two month break from concerts, Harry was trying to just live through it.

“I’m worried about you baby.” Louis began, taking a deep breath and shooting Harry a look when he went to interrupt him. “Listen to me. You’ve started going out all the time, with Nick fucking Grimshaw of all people, to shady clubs then getting drunk off your ass. Which then results in paps getting pictures of you drunk off your ass stumbling out of the club at 3 or 4 in the morning.” Louis paused to look down at where two of his hands were holding one of Harry’s. “I don’t mind you partying, and you know I trust you Haz. But I found cocaine in your jeans. Coke Harry? You’re so much better than that! That shit fucks your life up and you’ve got so much going for you and-.”

“Louis stop.” Harry interrupted his boyfriend and Louis could feel him tensing more and more as the conversation went on. “I’m not doing coke, that was Nick’s and it got in my pocket.” He was lying to Louis, he never lied to Louis. But this was just too much to tell him. He couldn't do that to Louis. Any time he tells someone about his depression and it's side effects, they blame themselves. Or they try to fix him. There's no fixing Harry anymore.

“Bullshit.” Louis nearly growled. “Don’t fucking bullshit me Harry, I know you weren’t holding it for Nick, I’ve been in this game a while. You’re wasting away! How much fucking weight have you lost in the past month? 15, 20 pounds?” _Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry._ “I want to be here for you Harry but you have to talk to me! You have to-”

“Have to what, Louis?! Have to tell you every single fucking thought I have? That I’m snorting coke because I like the way it makes me feel and I’ve been drinking until I can’t feel anything? Is that what you want to fucking hear!?” Harry started to raise his voice, causing Louis to flinch away and retract his hands. Harry never yelled, especially not at Louis. But apparently this was a night of firsts. “That I’m actually happy the drugs are making me lose weight because I am never fucking good enough for anyone and-”

“Harry.” Louis voice was low and thick with unshed tears. “Harry, look at me. I’m here for you baby. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. You can talk to me, about anything. All of this. I just feel like I’m losing you,” Louis wasn’t ready to lose his boy, to anyone or anything. Harry looked at his boyfriend, body still tense and eyes still hardened. Louis held open his arms and beckoned silently for him to come. Harry fell easily into Louis’ embrace with tears starting to stream down his cheeks.

Falling into Louis' embrace was easier than it should be. Harry wanted to protect Louis from his demons, and this wasn't doing that. A hiccup and sob wrenched out of Harry's mouth as his thoughts became too jumbled to sort through. _No no no I have to leave, he can't see me this way. No, let him help you he can help you. I don't deserve help._

“Shhh, it’s okay Haz, you’re okay. I’m here.” Harry was never a pretty crier with his big heaving sobs and nasty sniffles. Not only that, it killed Louis to see him hurting so much. This was his boy, the one who had to eat both sides of the twix bar at the same time because he didn’t want the other getting lonely, the one who made Louis adopt a stray cat and spent three days crying when it ran away again. Harry was just like that, just that type of person and that left him vulnerable to getting hurt a lot more.

Harry eventually fell asleep in Louis’ arms, after he cried out everything except his memories but Louis stayed awake. He kept replaying Harry’s words in his head, milling them over and thinking about them while he ran his hands through the younger boy’s hair. Although the circumstances were not very nice, this was nice. Having Harry in his arms grounded him, reminded him of everything they’d been through together and why they were still going strong. Louis loved Harry, and the thought of losing him to anything scared the living shit out of him. So that night, with his boy in his arms he slept peacefully but knowing that when he woke he’d have to do something, anything, to help him.

 

In the morning Louis called Modest Management and demanded a meeting. He fought with the representatives for nearly 2 hours before they made a decision Louis was okay with. After four years, three tours, five albums, fake relationships and really anything you could think of, One Direction were taking a one year hiatus. They’d take this time to asses whether they wanted to come back, whether they wanted to continue to live the pop star lifestyle together, or move on with their individual lives.

Louis took care of Harry, got him clean and sober and kept him that way. Harry began speaking to a counselor about everything and soon became himself again. Zayn broke everything off with Perrie, told everyone he just wasn’t happy anymore when they asked and stayed single. Niall settled down with a girl who made him nearly burst with happiness any time he talked about her, looking like a fucking sun was lit up inside him. Liam looked into pursuing a solo career but decided he couldn’t do it without the boys by his side. And so they still had FIFA nights with too much beer (Pepsi for Harry) and pizza and they were still best mates at the end of the day. They were just growing up, and although the years they spent in One Direction were the best one’s of their life they had to move on at some point.


End file.
